I hate my sister, I love my daughter.

Hi, I am Moyahi. I am 32years, woman, and Japanese.
Why not write in Japanese is because it is not interesting content. Somehow, I will write it in English.

I have a sister who is 6 years older than me. She has a disability in intelligence. Her IQ is less than 20, the most severe mental retardation.
I have no parents. My mother died of myocardial infarction when I was 10 years old. She died suddenly. On a very cold day, collapsed on way to the grave. My father died of colon cancer two years ago.

 I am suffering from my family for a long time. Since my mother died, my father raised me alone. I am grateful to my father. But my father was a workerhoric. He was not at home. He came home he was drinking alcohols and was asleep. My mother slept well before her death. She was weak.

When my sister body was bigger than me, she spanked my head, and kicking my body.But not every day. Because she came home only at the weekend.She lived in a dormitory at a disabled school on weekdays. Her violence ended when I was ten years old. Because I grew larger than her. Her height is 143 cm.

To be honest, I still dislike my sister. I do not want to take care of my sister. My older sister is in care home now. I am not at home. However, it is painful to look after it. My heart is not rich. This is a very sad thing. Why can not I give my sister a gentle feeling?

At the beginning, my sister has a intelligence disorder, I wrote. It has not changed either now or in the past. But three years ago, I found that she is a myotonic dystrophy. This is a genetic disease.This may be the cause of my mother sudden death due to cardiopulmonary arrest. I tested genes before onset. I was not that sick.

This is the memory of my teenager.
I did not get talk with my parents, I got dirty inside my house and got dirty, I could not eat homemade meal at home, I could not get in while my friends were talking about my family. I was poor child. I was obesity child. I was refraction child.

......I have a one year old daughter. She is very bright and cute. She is laughing with a crybaby and being healthy. I feel it a little pressure. I wonder if I can bring her happy. I am an adult child. I wonder if I can make her happy. I am worried every day......

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